32. A week in hospital. Welcome to the world!!

I have been overtaken by the most overwhelming sense of calm and clarity. Like this is exactly where I am supposed to be with these tiny little humans.

Tuesday, Birthday!

On Tuesday morning a midwife came in and said I'm down for 10am!!!! 2 hours away! OH MY GOODNESS!!! 

I immediately called James to tell him he would need to drop Jack at nursery and run! He wasn't impressed! Jack was being a bit challenging and he had hoped to have a relaxed morning after dropping Jack off and getting the house straight. He asked me to call Caroline and find out what they know about it. 

I called Caroline and she said it was the name of the game that plans need to change. They had obviously taken everything into consideration with the medical team and after care, and 10am was what the new plan was. She would get to work and see what they could do about being there with us.

The whole morning was very calm and efficient, just as I remember from Jack's eviction. The surgeon came to introduce herself and I spoke to various people involved in the surgery over the hour run up. A few people commented on how there surely are not 3 babies in my tummy, there simply can't be! James was sent to change while I was talked through the confirmation list for the 20th time. Name, date of birth, NHS number, etc. You're here for an elective c section. Check. 

During these checks and gradual movement from room to room towards the theater, we saw Caroline a couple of times. They had managed to work it that she can be there, but unfortunately, Justine wouldn't be. It was a real shame, but we would be seeing her later for a catch up at least. 

Caroline and Justine had told us to expect around 15-20 people in theater. We thought it was a lot with Jack and we think there were 8 or 9 people. When we walked in to theater and I looked around, I nearly cried I was so overwhelmed! 30 people all smiling at me with excitement. I felt so safe and well cared for. Everybody there to see what was about to happen to my belly, and the little people that are about to make an appearance into the world.

I remember clearly what happened when I went to theater with Jack. I was shaking like a leaf the whole way through, but my real nerves were during the spinal injection. It is just a very unpleasant thing to think about. It was absolutely fine and I couldn't even remember if it had been painful or not, so very insignificant in the great scheme of things. 

I was asked to sit on the side of the bed, drop my head and shoulders and roll foreward as much as possible and try to relax my back and spine. Easier said than done while pregnant with a single baby, let alone 3. I simply couldn't bend forward enough this time. It took a matter of a couple of minutes with Jack, but James seems to think it was a good 20 minutes this time. Oooooof, it was hurting my ribs, but I just kept thinking that in a few moments, I won't be feeling a thing for quite a while, and we can meet our babies!! AND I WON'T BE PREGNANT ANYMORE!!! 

Meeting our beautiful boys.

From spinal to surgery was probably ten minutes. I actually have no idea, but they give time for the anaesthetic to kick in and do the prep before the surgery begins.

I lay down flat on my back for the first time in months and instantly my breathing went very short and a moment later, I had the most excruciating headache! It was the weight of the babies pushing up on my lungs and other insides. The aneasthetist gave me some paracetamol to ease the headache and my lungs soon relaxed. I wasn't panicking, just incredibly uncomfortable. I just kept thinking about these babies!! 

Now it was time!! 

They didnt put a screen up as I didnt want one. James didn't want to look so had his back to my belly end, facing me again, as he did with Jack. 

I was resting my hands on the top of my belly and I actually felt baby 1 leaving my tummy. Someone said he is coming and I saw James turn around to look. Robin James was born at 11.49!!! His poor little head and face were completely misshapen which was an immediate worry for James until they said its normal for multiples to be a bit squashed. He weighed in at 5lb13! What a chunk!

Very soon after at 11.50, Samuel Richard came into the world. What I didn't realise is that James watched his birth too! This is a guy who closes his eyes at the sight of blood on TV! Sam was weighed in at 4lb15. Another big baby!

And finally, the last wriggling lump was pulled out of my belly. William Frank. Born at 11.53.

All three babies cried as they entered the world. James had watched all 3 being born too! They were brought over to say hi, then whisked off for weighing and inital checks. James was handed Robin, all bundled up and sat with him next to me staring in awe at this tiny, and very squashed looking little baby boy. I just lay there blubbing. A few moments later I was handed Samuel and Will to lie on my chest for our first skin to skin cuddles. It was simply magical. All three are here, with us, healthy and well. 

I'll admit that these last few weeks and days, we have both thought about the chances that there could be something wrong with one or more of them. James had worried when he had seen Robin.  But I guess that's what happens when you have a little brother (William), lying on your head for months. 

At this stage last time, I remember relaxing and cuddling Jack while they stitched me up and got me ready for recovery. It was the same this time, but with 3 little babies to adore and cuddle. I was oblivious to time, and when the anaesthetist asked if I'm happy to recieve some blood, I said yes. I had signed this in my consent form so it didn't cross my mind. I think James asked if everything is OK and they just said "yes, she has lost some blood but everything is fine". They explained that they are putting a balloon into my uterus to help to stem the bleeding and clots. It's apparently not unusual for extra bleeding with multiples because if the amount of stress on my body.

Everybody came and congratulated us and one of the midwives was rushing around taking millions of photos for us and kept coming back to report on what she had got. It was a lovely experience and I wouldn't change it for the world. 

I was eventually wheeled out of theater. The babies were all being cared for by various teams of people and I would hopefully meet them in the next room. This is where I assumed we might be separated and whoever needed extra support would be taken away. In the recovery bay, Sam and Will were brought to me and James came in with Robin in an incubator and told me he was being taken down to NICU to monitor his breathing. He was very snuffly apparently. During this brief conversation, the doctor said "he has stopped making that noise, he can stay here!" Oh my goodness! This is amazing news! 

I was given each baby to try to feed. There was lots of paperwork and activity going on around us, but we were in a little bubble with our babies who just keep defying the odds.

Recovery.

We were all wheeled into yet another room where recovery and routine began. The room was called close observation. I assumed it was for the babies who were being very closely monitored. James got involved in skin to skin to try and keep their temperatures up, and they were given heated pads in their beds to try to help them maintain their temperature. Robin was being closely watched for the snuffly breathing and NICU came to check them all a lot. We weren't out of the woods yet. Also, Sam was sick quite a lot during feeds, so he was also on their radar. 

My BP was being checked hourly now, and my temperature. I was also still absolutely covered in wires which were gradually being removed one at a time. 

Mine and James's mum brought Jack to see us to meet his baby brothers and their new grandchildren. Jack was excited to meet them and wanted to hold and cuddle them which was just adorable! 

The monitoring continued through the night, and the lovely nurse/doctor/midwife, started our 3 hourly feeding routine with the babies. 

1.15, 4.15, 7.15 and 10.15 we start feeding time. We start by putting them on the boob for a try, then giving them a bottle of formula. Every ml is monitored and they have been given advised amounts to aim for at each feed, which is upped accordingly most days. Now that we are a few days in I feel like we are in a brilliant routine and getting the hang of it all. 

First night feelings and emotions.

I tried to sleep that night, as I assumed I would be on my own much more the following days and nights. I had been left alone with Jack to an extent. Nurses came to check I was feeding him OK and sort out my meds, but I was left to be mostly independent, so just assumed, that if all babies are doing OK, it would be the same with these 3. I of course didn't sleep. I just lay there absorbing the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced. I felt totally calm and relaxed about everything. It was all so perfect! 3 perfect little healthy babies with a whole exciting future ahead of us with their big brother. My body also felt amazing. I could lie in my back and breathe! I could breathe through my nose for the first time in about 20 weeks. My legs no longer hurt. And I was really looking forward to being able to try and stand up again without the weight on my front. 

I did manage to doze a little and had some really strange experiences. The feelings in my body were very odd. The anaesthetic had been wearing off all afternoon to stages of feeling cold, sweaty and itchy were gradually passing over my body. But this was very different. I had heard about phantom baby movements that some mothers feel after the baby has been born. I think I had these, but up and down the sides of my body and legs. Not in my belly. I also had the feeling of being underneath a waterfall. That lovely therapeutic feeling of water rushing all over my body. 

I must've been half asleep, because in my hazy doze, I was listening to the babies making their little clicks and squeaks and to me they sounded like chickens. 

Day 2. Wednesday.

Through the night, NICU kept checking Robin and Sam and explaining what they are monitoring. Robins breathing was still a minor concern, but less so by the hour. And Sam having been sick a few times during feeds was the other. I was still having my BP and oxygen checked hourly too.

Later that morning I had the "balloon" removed. We were then moved to a smaller room with a bathroom so my catheter could be removed and I could stand and shower! Bliss!!! 

While I was in the shower, James was chatting with the nurse about everything that's been going on. She told him that a lot more had happened than we had realised in theater. I had hemouraged and lost 2.5l of blood. We only have 6! Around 500ml is the standard blood loss during birth. The procedure with the balloon is apparently not as standard as I had understood either. They had all been so calm and relaxed that neither myself nor James had even registered that all of this was actually pretty serious stuff! 

We were later moved in convoy up to the post natal ward. Me in a wheelchair, followed by 3 little cots. We had lots of waving, "hellos", and "congratulations" and cooing as we made our way through the corridors. 

We moved into our new room and took over with the 3 cots and a bed. This has been home since and it's been great! There are people falling over themselves to help me feed the babies. Because Jack needs James around at home, I have been mainly on my own here with the babies and the staff seem to genuinely want to help me out. They don't get a lot of time to feed and coo over new born babies because mum and dad do it. So the fact that they are helping me so much at feeding time is a joy for both me and them. If I were to do it on my own, it would take the full 3 hours to get them all fed and changed, then we would need to start again. Sometimes, we have managed it in as little 30/40 minutes, but it's usually an hour or more, start to finish. This obviously doesn't give me much time to then eat, rest, pump and critically, sleep!

On my first night here I was being helped out and one of the ladies said "while they are not breastfeeding, why don't you let us come and get them for the next feed and you can stay alseep". I could've cried with joy! I slept through the 4.15 feed and woke up like a new woman. I was raring to get expressing and up and about as much as possible doing new mum stuff. After the next feed I was ready to try and nap again! I'm not pushing myself at all, I can't physically do it. I'm on paracetamol after major surgery, and running on a long spell of little to no sleep.

Day 3. Weigh day.

Friday was a big day for us. It was day 3, so time to be weighed. It was timed for soon after their birth hour. Unfortunately, they had all had a poo at the last feed so maybe a gram or two lighter than we wanted. 

It was fine. Weight loss of up to 10% is normal, but I wasn't sure if they would want less loss as they are so small. But they seemed happy. 9% loss for Robin was the highest. 

They also had their body checks and hearing tests. It was a busy day. All of this on top of the BP checks for me, more jaundice checks and of course the 3 hourly feeds.

Since the babies came out, as expected, my body is feeling SO relieved! I still have a very swollen and incredibly sore tummy, but it feels so much better than it did when they were inside. I can bend down to pick stuff up so much more easily than I could last week. And I have a huge healing wound accross the front of me! Each day is getting considerably easier and today I walked down the corridor in an almost completely normal way and at a reasonable speed! It's amazing how quickly I feel like I am healing this time. My legs and feet however, are still very swollen. I bent down to get something out of my suitcase and nearly fell backwards because my ankles don't bend enough! They just stopped and my weight went back!! That could've been a painful bump if the bed hadn't caught me! 

My back is aching so much. Right up both sides and accross the middle. I was trying to put my finger on the type of pain it is and I've got it. I used to take Jack out in his "jackpack" backpack and go for nice long walks. I could have him on my back for a couple of hours before I started to struggle. When I put him down, the back ache I would get is similar to what I'm experiencing now. My poor body is trying to re align, now that most of the weight has been removed. This is going to take some time and some work. 

Looking at my body now is like looking at an alien body. Its completely unrecognisable at the moment, but what an incredible thing to have done. Totally changed, inside and out, to grow three, not so little, absolutely perfect, humans! 

 

It's now the end of day 4, Saturday night. We had really hoped to be home by now, but unfortunately, because we keep missing the feeding goals by a few ml, we have been kept in for another night. They were all weighed again today and Sam was the only one who had lost another 20grams, which is less than 1%, so that's fine. I had been looking forward so much to being home, in our bed, with home comforts, and James to help me with night feeds. It's going to be hard work, but at least I can escape. Nobody wondering into my room to check my BP, or ask me questions. 

I'm also missing food that isn't baked potato and white toast!

It's fair to say that tonight I'm a bit glum, feeling a bit lonely and fed up of looking at the same 4 walls. I'm more than ready for a change of scenery, change of conversation, home comforts and normality. The small blessing is the amazing staff here who have offered again to take on the night feeds so I can sleep. I'm going to make the most of this last night. Especially because the boys are really starting to get the hang of breast feeding, so my time off feeding is dwindling now. But I'm looking forward to taking on the breastfeeding journey with them.