59. Stop and smile. Baby proofing, updates, more teeth and finding a bit of me.

Mental Health

I was listening to Women's Hour, to a discussion about mental health during and after pregnancy, and how much women suffer, and tragically, commit suicide. I struggled emotionally when I was pregnant with Jack, but I think it was the anxiety of the unknown. The idea of kids terrified me, and childbirth! I spent a huge amount of the pregnancy crying. I was also aware that babies pick up on stress, and I didn't want to stress the baby out. Every little thing that worried me, turned into the biggest thing. I was also terrified that it would move forward into post natal depression. It was all consuming and I was referred to Minds Matters, who I had telephone therapy sessions. They didn't really help me because I was rational and knew I was being unreasonable with my thoughts. Amazingly, the moment Jack was born, it disappeared instantly. It felt like the fog lifted and I could think clearly again. I had my hormonal emotional days, and cried every time I thought of the birth, but that's post partum hormones for you. 

I totally understand how hormonal stresses can lead to post natal depression, but fortunately didn't get there. I really felt so sad hearing the stories about mothers who had been there so deeply, that they attempted to take their own lives. Lives that are just starting. 

Crying at triplet story on TV

I do, however, cry my eyes out whenever I hear stories from other triplet mums. There was a news story about identical, spontaneous triplets and the mum talked about her health during pregnancy, and the babies coming early. It was on TV 3 times that day, and I was an emotional wreck each time. Another story was on the other day and the mum talked about her 2 miscarriages before the triplets were concieved, and now the goals her kids are reaching against all odds. I was a wreck! They are incredibly positive stories, but I just can't keep it together! I'm welling up again now just thinking about what these mums have been though. I had an easy ride, and I wonder if that is why it effects me so much. The 'what could have been'. And also, of course, what could still be. We have no idea if these guys will have any difficulties in the future. So far, they are smashing all their milestones, but you never know what tomorrow will bring. 

Silks 

I have been back at silks for a few weeks now and it started out as frustrating as I had expected. I am obviously not as strong as I used to be, but also, my new body shape and lack of core strength is something I need to figure out, work on, and improve. Week 4 showed some improvement which has pleased me immensely! It's going to be a long journey back to full fitness, but I'm on it now. I have also quit snacking on rubbish. (Mostly). I got into an awful habit when the nasty bug hit before Christmas. I just needed energy, so biscuits became my best friend. And mince pies. And Christmas chocolates. And all the other goodies that the festive season brings. I'm also being more careful with what I eat. Small steps but they will slowly make a difference. 

I promised Alice I would give her a mention. She is our amazing silks instructor who makes everything look stupidly easy, but is brilliant at helping us build strength and skills. She has put up with me for 2 years now and knows just how inflexible I am, and how much stronger I can get. She breaks me every week and I curse her on a Friday night when my arms are falling off and my chest and abs feel like they are on fire! But I love her!! So thank you Alice for sticking with me, and being so patient while I swear at you and endlessly yell about how much this hurts! 

Hair re-growth quiff

Not quite Sue Perkins, but getting there. I am definitely sporting an inch of new growth now. With my hair being so light, it's like a halo fuzz which isn't that noticeable, unless you're looking closely. 

Sleep

We seem to get a block of good night's in a row, then something will hit. We are currently in a cough and a cold hit and it has been disturbing at least 2 babies each night for the last week. It's at time like this that we go back to our shift work and get up to help each other out when a second is up and needs attention. 

We have eventually figured out that, when it feels like things have settled into decent night, we need to brace ourselves for the next lot of disturbed nights. I'm at peace with it now. I was pretty frustrated a few months ago because they have such a good routine, and do tend to want to sleep all night long, and I couldn't cope with getting up to put dummies in. It seemed so pointless if it was something so simple that was disturbing them. But, we have THREE babies, its not going to be so simple. Also, they are not going to be the angelic sleeper that Jack was, he really was the dream child and I thought these guys were heading that way too. They kind of are because they don't get up in the night, they just winge for their dummy a bit, unless there is something wrong. I'm a triplet mum, long nights sleep will return in about 15 years.... just when the menopause sleepless nights will be in full swing. 

I hope I don't jynx it, but day time sleeps seem to be in a nice routine now. And I feel like they are sleeping better at night, possibly as a result of a long nap during the day. I'm sure they will prove me wrong in the next few days. 

Nursery and work

Jack was sent home from nursery again this week with a bit of a temperature. He got home and spent the morning chasing the cat and roaring like a dinosaur, so he was far from poorly in our eyes. James spent the day with all 4 of them while I was at work, and I had the 4 of them the following day. At least it was days the babies were off too so we weren't missing out on work days. 

We keep saying how it would be impossible for us both to hold down an employed job at the moment with all the nursery bugs coming home. We really have been exceptionally lucky with nursery and our jobs, simply because of the childcare funding. When we found out it was triplets, I had assumed I wouldn't be returning to work. How could we pay for 4 kids in childcare? It just wouldn't work. But the government funding came in at the perfect time, and with us both having incredibly understanding customers, we are both able to muddle through at the moment. The bugs will slow down, and their teeth will all pop through eventually, so hopefully we will be more reliable for work. As long as we work enough hours each month, the funding will keep them in nursery, and us at work. And if it doesn't work, I will need to quit and apply for benefits, something we really don't want to do. So we are keeping our fingers crossed that it continues to just about work. 

Baby proofed house

We are back to having baby gates everywhere again. We are lucky enough to be able to block the kitchen off as well. We did it when Jack was able to get into drawers and started getting into the herb drawer and shaking the little pots. After mustard seeds had been sprayed all over the kitchen for the 16th time, James had had enough, and attached a baby gate to the breakfast bar and skirting board. We took it down to take to a party and didn't bother putting it back up because the babies can't open anything yet, so it's fine. However, cooking has become a real hazard. Babies just appear and it's terrifying to think we will trip over one, whether we are carrying something hot or not. Also, there are that many little hands and fingers, we are terrified of trapping them in a drawer or door. So the baby gate is back up. When summer reaches, we have all the doors open, so gates will go on the back door and patio door. 

Wills cold knees

Will really made me chuckle a couple of weeks ago. We have carpet in the living room and the bedroom downstairs, but the rest is laminate, and cold in the mornings. Sam and Rob were crawling about everywhere, but I was half way through changing Will when he escaped. He had bare legs and got to the edge of the carpet and started to winge. He obviously wanted to follow his brothers but was hesitating, he then tried to get up into his toes to try and follow without having to get cold legs. He clearly takes after his mum with feeling the chill. 

40 minute exit

I usually allow 15 minutes to get everybody's coats on and get them into the buggy and carrier to go out for a walk. Today, took 40!! Rob was first up. I picked him up to put his coat and socks on but realised he had done a poo, so needed to change him. He really didn't want to be changed so it was a full on battle to hold him down to clean him up. I finally got his coat and socks on, strapped him into the buggy, hat on, blanket on, dummy in. Then I picked up Sam... who had also done a poo. Same deal with the nappy changing fun, then got him ready and into the buggy, and finally it was Wills turn. I picked him up and realised that HE had also done a flippin poo!!!! I finally got him into his all in one, warm outfit, put my coat on, then got him into the carrier and we were away, but my god, I was a sweaty mess by this point, and the walk we had planned, was now not going to happen as we didn't have the time. Oh well, we got to where we needed to on time at least. 

3 more teeth, each!

We had a horrendous teething flare up which lasted about a week. It threw it all at us. Drool, ear tugging and scratching until they drew blood, chewing everything they could, horrible nappies, red cheeks and even high temperatures all round. Poor boys, and us up multiple times in the night! But, the result has been 3 more pearly whites each! They all have their front 4 teeth and one at the bottom right. Sam has one on his top right coming through too. He broke 3 when the others did their first two, so he is a step ahead. It was such a relief for the top front ones to finally cut through. They were in so much pain and they looked so red and angry! I regularly rub their gums and put pressure on them to try and encourage them to cut more quickly and to help to ease them. They don't usually bother with me doing this, but they screamed when I touched them this time. It was so horrible! Can you imagine having sharp little things slowly boring their way through your skin like that? It must be horrendous!

A glimmer of me, finally.

This is going to sound stupid, but it's made me feel like there is a little glimmer of me returning. A few weeks ago I re-potted all my houseplants and gave them all some proper TLC. I have only half been looking after them over these last couple of years so its been a long time coming. The new pots and fresher and happier looking plants has got me excited about them again. I got a new, replacement one for the bathroom, and I am going to replace and refresh a succulent plant I also have in the bathroom. I was pondering over this one day and realised that I am genuinely excited about my plants again. I am excited about SOMETHING again! I realised that I haven't really been excited about any of my hobbies since probably, before the miscarriage. Not even aerial, which is a huge hobby of mine. Don't get me wrong, I have been excited about events and seeing people, etc, but not something so simple. With aerial, I don't have the strength to be happy about it yet. It's veeeeeery slowly returning, but I have been so much stronger before, so I have a lot of work to do until I am really getting into it again, and getting excited about what i am able to achieve. But going back to my plants, they are something I can potter away with them, inside the house, even while the babies are up and about. Simple but enjoyable.

God I must be getting old and sad to confess this! Haha!!

Latest weights.

The boys had their 12 month health visitor check at 11 months. Of course they are doing amazingly and doing everything they should be able to do. They were also measured and weighed. Sam is the smallest at 19.8lb, William is not far behind at 20.2 and Robin is a whopping 21.3lb!

Stop and smile.

I know I say it all the time, but I still can't believe we have triplets! I find myself thinking about the fact that they are triplets and I can't help but smile! Life is trudlung along as normal for us, but then I remember they aren't just babies, they are triplet babies. This doesn't sound like it makes sense, but the word triplets just sounds mental!! Way more mental than it feels like to me anyway. I feel like we are living a pretty standard family life! I dont think we do any less than a family of 2 would be doing. The only real thing thats a bit more challenging is bed time, as we need 2 of us to get it done. I often have people say to me "oh god, it was hard enough with 2 kids, 3 kids, even 1 kid!", all the time, and I find myself thinking "3 kids? That does sound like bloody hard work! No thanks!" And then I realise I have 4 kids! FOUR!!! It's like the babies come as 1 to us, so it's so weird that I have to remind myself that I actually own 4 of my very own children. The little smile I have is a bit of a giggle, because, let's be honest, it's pretty funny that we have triplets, but mostly it's pride. Immense pride for these 3 beautiful, funny, utterly brilliant little boys that decided that one of them simply wasn't enough, so let's make 3! And also, pride for us, proud that we opened our arms to this challenge that would terrify most people, and pride for the fact that we are 11 months down the line and have absolutely loved this bonkers little journey that we have been on, and frankly, doing bloody well at it!!