61. You can't be sad when you've got triplets, even if it feels like I'm treading water to stay afloat.

It's true, there is just no way you can feel sad when you have triplets. It really is 3 times the fun, giggles and laughter. Even when they are asleep or I'm not with them, I just think about them and can't help but smile. Even if I haven't slept and I am absolutely hanging in rags, or ill, or feeling down, those little faces lift me right back up again. And then they cuddle, or laugh, or just do something, anything, and I'm smiling again. Magic!!

First Birthday!!!!

We have made it a whole year! A year with these wonderful little boys and their awesome big brother!! And what a magical year it has been! 

I was very emotional for the build up to their birthday, and cried a lot on the morning they turned 1. I'm not really sure why. Pride? Disbelief? This last 18 months has just been the most unbelievable journey I could have ever imagined. Bracing ourselves for the worst at every scan we went to. Making it all the way to our planned c section date, my GOD I was ready for that!! Also, being ready for every possible scenario when they were born. Fully expecting some kind of complication after they were born. Almost looking for, and fully expecting some kind of developmental problems to start cropping up. 

Nothing! We had that horrendous night with Sam choking, and thinking we were going to loose him. And the worrying evening with Robins swollen testicle which turned out to be nothing. The choking thing was a horrible thing to deal with, but we found ways to manage it. But other than these, we have had a very VERY easy ride (so far). 

Not only have the boys been healthy and well, their 1 year health check was all brilliant! All goals are being reached, and they are clearly happy and thriving! If this wasn't enough, which it is, 10 times over, we went to the birthday party of one of their baby group buddies. I haven't seen much of them for a while because of work, so I was excited to see them all. These boys are 2nd oldest of the group, by a week, but I need to remind myself, 5 weeks younger, so actually, they are the youngest of the group. Most of the babies also have older siblings too. But my boys are the only ones crawling properly, and at some serious speed! They are also the only ones standing unaided! 

It is all so unbelievable. Still, every day, I am amazed by them. The fact that they are here, and that they are so, utterly, perfect! They just smile and giggle all the time! I have never known such jolly babies! 

New tricks and playfulness.

The boys have really become playful and funny recently. Sam has mastered the art of clapping, and looks at you with the biggest, proudest grin, usually giggling while he claps with enthusiasm. He is so pleased with his new skill and just wants everybody to see him do it! He also has brilliant timing with showing it off. Robin was performing his trick and Sam joined in by clapping and laughing at him. Robs trick is to put his hands in the air, chucks his head right back and throws himself forward onto the floor with a splat, landing on his hands. Like a puppy playing with a ball. He LOVES doing it, especially when we copy him. He howls with laughter and just keeps going! He seems to be the show off of the group. When he is doing this and Sam is clapping and laughing, and William is laughing at them too, it's just the best! They are such fun at the moment! Will kind of does a half clap which involves putting his hands together and rocking them up and down with a grin. 

Jack turned a corner.

Jack has been a bit emotional for a couple of weeks, and has thrown some epic tantrums. There is usually reason for these meltdowns. Tired, hangry, coming down with a bug, etc. He is also 3!! We know they are brewing and can usually see them coming A mile off. He will get upset about things like the wrong cup, or cutting his apple instead of keeping it whole. He also tests us and our patience and gets himself into trouble, often on purpose. Finally, 1 thing will push him over the edge and he will explode! If, for example, he was expecting James to do something like take him outside and I turn up to do it, this can be the final straw. 

Silly things have really upset him too. If he asks for something to eat and we don't have it in, it has reduced him to tears! Proper, heartbroken tears with that awful begging look in his eyes. Some trousers I brought downstairs for him to wear did it the other day. Not a tantrum, full blown tears!

Anyway, these have suddenly become a lot less. The only major thing that has changed that we know of, is the weather and the fact that he is spending most of his days outside again. 

I also wonder if he is coming to terms with the fact that the babies are always going to be clambering all over him, and that he is the one that will need to move. He also suddenly enjoys the bath again and been asking for one! We put a baby gate accross the bathroom door, so the door is still open, but the babies can't get in, and Jack can still see and hear us all and show us all the things he is doing. Safe in the bath and no babies! 

I'll just add that our bath is just a few feet and in perfect view of our kitchen. It couldn't be better!! It means I can be cooking, but also chatting with, and looking at Jack while he is in the bath! It couldn't be better!

Pack of lions.

When they are playing, they usually want the same toy. Obviously! When a new toy or object appears, they are like a pack of wild animals investigating it. Picking it up. Turning it over and around, putting it in their mouths, bashing it, snatching it, snatching it back, and repeat. It's funny to watch them all.

Same kind of thing happens when we are handing out snacks. It can all be kicking off, but all it takes is the waggle of a bread stick and they all come flocking. It's hilarious! 

All the drama!

Robin is a dramatic comic! He is so over the top with so many things, and throws tantrums which involves him throwing himself belly down onto the floor and flapping his arms and legs up and down. He loves to do this when I am holding his bottle up for him to come and get. They have their bottles in the lounge on the floor on a feeding pillow. I make the bottles, call them all and let them see that their milk is ready, and go into the lounge and wait for them all to follow. Sam and Will see the bottles and start to winge for them, but hurry over and let me lie them down and take the bottle. Robin races to the door of the lounge, looks at the bottle, let's out a howl and throws himself in a spectacular fashion onto the floor and flaps around crying like he is so weak with hunger, that he can't make it the final couple of feet. He sometimes dramatically drags himself a couple of inches closer and repeats his performance. It really is quite something to watch! 

Another performance he does is when he wants attention, he sits and holds his head back as far as he can and does a cry like he is sobbing like his world is ending. The sound is in the back of his throat, honestly, 5 stars for effort! 

The other two are pretty good at putting it on too, but Rob gets top marks for sure!

Never alone.

We had a big family weekend for my mums 70th and a few family members met the babies for the first time. I had a conversation with someone about them and the lives they will lead as a trio. We talked about them growing up, and independence and finally, how strange it must be to be alone as a multiple. Having done everything together from day dot. Feeding, sleeping, going out, having snacks, bath time, etc. Everything has been together, and will be for the foreseeable future. 

Funding worries.

We are incredibly lucky with the timing for our kids in childcare. It came in when Jack turned 2. It started out with 15 hours childcare per term time week, paid for by the government. It's an incentive to get parents back to work. Both parents must be earning a certain amount per week/month/year to be eligible. The babies were eligible from January for 15 hours each, and Jack's went up to 30 hours!! It has been amazing!! When we found out there were 3 babies, one of the first things I said was that I won't be working for a few years. Can you imagine paying for 4 children to go to nursery?

This funding has been great for parents, but from what I have heard on the news, and from the kids nursery, is that it is very difficult for nurseries to manage and to stay afloat. Prices have gone up slightly and hours have changed, and we are now sending packed lunches in for the babies to help save us a few quid each week. Due to some miscalculations for the past 3 months, and a few changes, the most recent invoices have been a lot more than we had expected. On top of that, there has been an error on our HMRC application, which needs renewing every 3 months. This means we are not eligible for the funding, or the tax free discount. We are hoping it is all amended in time and that our bills stay as they should, but if not, we are in for a monster this month. We have had a lot of chats about whether it's worth me being back at work over the last few weeks. We are currently only a small amount of money up each month after all the kids nursery payments have gone out. This is calculated on the weeks I work 3 days. 

For now, it's working, and working well. OK, we don't have a load of money coming in, even with me being back at work. But, I get some time away from the kids, which seems to be doing me good. I miss them like crazy and don't want to leave them. They are also loving nursery. Plus, we just paid to get my van back on the road. As long as we can keep the childcare funding coming in, we will keep on as we are. Also, the babies will go up to 30 hours per week funded in a few months. It's all temporary. I just hope it keeps working for nurseries. There isn't a chance we could afford to put them all into nursery. I wouldn't mind if I have to be a stay at home mum, but the 2 days in nursery are great for all of us, and James seems to enjoy his day with them. 

Update: our funding has been sorted out!!

Another reason to keep them in nursery is to socialise them with other kids. I've always believed it's important, even though these 3 have each other and Jack, I think it's important to develop independently too. Nursery will be a great start for this. 

Formula saving, but food increases.

Big news!! We are finally off formula!!! But! They are making up for it! As a family we are getting through about 6 pints of milk a day, plus food. They are really roughing now!

Treading water.

Trying to keep on top of it all can get a bit much sometimes. This has been a complicated couple of months. Nursery putting up their fees and trying to navigate the new invoices has confused me a lot. HMRC has had me a little worried. I'm also trying to get Jack's new preschool stuff sorted out and figuring out how that's going to fit in in September. I find paperwork and numbers complicated at the best of times.

Normal life is working well, we manage to keep on top of most things pretty well. Sometime I feel like I'm a step behind where I need to be all day and seem to spend the whole time chasing my tail. But mostly, it's a busy time, but OK. When something like this funding business is thrown into the mix, and I am spending a lot of time thinking, worrying and reading invoices, somehow, the treading water gets more intense. If someone asks me a simple question when I'm in this time, I can barely focus enough to answer! It sound crazy to say it, but it's like my brain capacity is at its max, so when I have a new challenge, it can throw me off a bit. I still blame baby brain when I can!

We have 3 nights out this month. Jamess birthday, and my sister in laws wedding celebrations. Trying to make sure we have babysitters has very much been on my mind. There is also the Easter holiday thrown in. I have tried to arrange play dates and for people to be here to help me out. Lots of people, lots of places and lots of times! 

Also, food! Now that they are eating so much, I always seem to be chasing my tail at meal times. If I've made enough there seems to be an insane amount of waste, if I haven't made enough and they are shouting for more, I'm running backwards and forwards trying to stay a step in time with them. Packed lunches are also to throw in there. How much do I send for them all? Have I sent enough today? Plus all the regular stuff of everyday life as a mum. It's no wonder I'm exhausted by the end of the day!

Work has actually really helped to give me time to mentally process and organise things. Painting walls and woodwork allows me many hours a week to think things through and give me a plan in my head of what needs doing. I'm not someone who processes things instantly, I need time for it to sink in, wobble about a bit, and hopefully, eventually fall into place. So my 3 days a week with some head space (and Radio 4 to keep me company) has actually become a reliable and valuable way to keep me above water.

I visualise it as a bowl of spaghetti. Each strand is a little part of my daily life. Time to think allows me to straighten the strands out into something I can make sense of. It just takes a little time. 

My fitness.

I feel like I'm getting back to where I was before getting pregnant with these boys now. Pushing them up and down these hills has played a big part, and just general childcare is like workout after workout every day with the 3 of them! Being back at silks once a week has done the job I had hoped. The fitter and stronger I get, the more inspired I am to improve. I eat better, I stand better and if I get the chance, I do some stretches and other excercises. 

First kiss

Oh my goodness, the most adorable thing happened the other day. Robin and Sam were standing up with their hands on my knee. They both looked at each other and leaned in with their mouths open and gave each other a kiss!!! Their first smacker!! And, it didn't end in a headbut!!!! 

Communicating

These boys have seriously ramped up their communication recently. They are making signs for food and drink. It's a guessing game for what they want, but it's something to ingest.