67. Learning fast, winter bugs and finding life a bit of a struggle.

I started this post months ago, so it will jump about a bit. 

Learning fast. 

William is very much an observer. Like Jack is. He watches and assesses everything with a very judging look on his cute little face. He is jabbering away a lot more than the other two, and repeats words, but seems to prefer to have a full conversation with you in his own language. He has been the first one to copy dance moves too! He is getting quite good at animal sounds now, they all are, but roaring is the favoured animal noise. Who knew a cow could roar!?

Sam roars with passion, he puts his whole body into it. When I ask him what noise a tiger makes, he goes into his roar. Then I ask him what noise a sheep makes, and he roars the word baaaaa. That's once scary sheep! 

Rob picked up the word sock a while ago, but pronounces it "llllllllllllllllllock". He now calls everything related to foot, a lllllllllllllllock. Will calls everything a shoe, or siiiiiiioooooooooo. They pick up news words every day now, and honestly, bring it on. The winging for things will be waved off with a smile. I can't wait for then to ask for a drink instead of just crying at me and me trying to guess. 

Sam's arms up finger wiggle.

Sam is the clingiest one by a long way. He isn't particularly needy, but he loves to be carried and cuddled. He stands, holds his hands in the air and wiggles his fingers. You can't help but give him a cuddle with those big blue eyes pleading to be picked up. When he is crying, in bed, holding his arms out, it breaks my heart to walk away. He is very good though and as soon as I'm gone, he usually stops and either plays for a bit, or lies down to sleep. 

He is a pain though, when somebody else wants a cuddle. If Rob is on my knee, Sam clambers to get closer. If this means up and over my shoulder to squeeze in, that's what he will do. Sam and Rob are the worst for shoving the others off. William is still so chill, that if the others are battling to get in, he just moves away a little so as not to get involved in the commotion. He is very good at picking his moments for cuddles though, it's like he wants a quality cuddle, so waits until the others are distracted and takes his chance. 

Rob the performer.

He is a show man, that's for sure. As soon as he realises someone is looking at him, or someone new comes in that he can perform his skills for, off he goes. Jumping, twirling, shouting, he loves it!

Sleep.

Just when we think we have cracked it, we take ANOTHER step back. The most recent has been a cold. With Sam's frequent night wakings, he has said "more" a few times, which means more food, so I take it as hungry. I have been avoiding giving bottles in the night so it doesn't become something they rely on, like a dummy, but I have started giving Sam a bottle and he often sleeps through from then. A few friends say they regularly have to give a bottle in the night still. He is still the worst eater, so it makes sense. 

Cousin Albert.

Albert knows the boys well, and can tell who is who. Today Robin pushed past him and Albert looked it him, pointed and said "No RobSamWill!"

Why do they come as 1?

I often say the 3 boys are easy as they come as one. When Jack is thrown in, the navigation can get complicated, and regularly, very difficult indeed. I've never really been able to put my finger on why the 3 are easy, but adding just 1 more can be impossible on my own. I was speaking to my aunt and she said the same about her 2 grandchildren. 1 is fine, the 2 together isn't doable for her. I realised that it's the age difference. Our 3 are the same age. So everything they do is pretty much the same. They cry to communicate. We know their hazards, so we can work around that, whether it's moving things around or not allowing them into certain rooms. Add a child that is older, they will leave those doors open and get out toys that are dangerous for the little ones. Not to mention when they have a meltdown and need 121 attention. 

Fast forward a few weeks.

I am writing a couple of months on from the top of this page. We are back in winter bug territory. Great! 

We keep having a few weeks of settled times and we are gearing up to move them up into their bedroom, then the s*** hits the fan again, and I'm back to nights of bad sleep. In the good weeks, I sleep well, eat well, start feeling like myself and with all the energy I need. I even stay up a little later and watch some tv! I even start making a few little bits of plans and looking forward to things again. And then we are back in bad sleep, bad diet, bad skin, exhaustion, no motivation etc. 

It's always temporary, but it's draining. This slog feels like a bad one for me as we have had some bad news which I'm struggling to process. A few weeks ago, in a good spell, I was asked to play a couple of festive gigs with a brilliant local band. I was thrilled to be asked, and James and I decided that we can make it work. I will absolutely love it! But this bug and bad news has floored me. It's all become a bit much and I have needed to prioritise. Unfortunately, music is going to have to stay on the back foot for a while longer. I lay awake in bed, surrounded by 3 rattly, snotty, restless babies, wondering when I will find time to learn a load of new songs. 

I was asked about 3 weeks ago, and I have been thinking about songs, and Angela sent me a list. I was getting really excited, but I haven't found a moment to listen to anything, let alone, get the guitar out and give them a go. My only time I would get is after the boys are in bed. 8oclock earliest. Then I would probably need to sit in the utility so I don't disturb them. It's cold in there now and the thought does not appeal. 

I have also been offered a wonderful job with Spread A Smile, so I am in the process of getting paperwork together for them, and of course, it's not proving simple. Being a bit complicated isn't the problem, but finding time to spend on the phone to insurance companies is. I want it done and sorted now, so I can get started, but it is coming second in line. 

As well as all these life activities, there is also the build up to Jack's birthday and Christmas coming up. I want to try and enjoy this festive season, so I feel like I need to let something go. The job isn't an option, I really want it and it's going to be so great for me. My classes at the gym 2 nights a week keep me healthy, both physically and mentally, so the most I could do is to drop one of those, which I don't want to do if I can help it. So unfortunately, it's the music. We also have a cat with a bad cut on her leg, I have a bad shoulder and a tooth infection.

On top of all this, Sam had 2 seizures for the first time in months, then Rob had one! 

When it rains it pours hey!

But enough woe is me and back to our wonderful boys. I getting very excited about dressing them all up in all sorts of costumes for Halloween and Christmas. Cuteness overload incoming!! 

They have all currently got the most horrible cough, and Will has really been hit hard with it. He has been slumped on the sofa, asking for tv, so he can just fall asleep. All 3 are a pain at the moment for pinching each other's toys and whacking with said toys. Sam being the worst for it this week. However, when Will is poorly, Sam has been bringing him snacks and bottles. It's been so lovely to see that Sam looks to understand that William is poorly and needs looking after. He woke up during his nap but clearly wanted to sleep still, so Jack ran upstairs to get him his favourite teddy to cuddle. Honestly, I'm on the verge of tears as it is, then they do this and I'm in a puddle! 

The boys and Jack are starting to play together really well. It's boistrous and nerve wracking, but they are really starting to become friends finally. It's nice to be able to start doing things together as a family a little. Jack wants to do more, but all being on parks together is nice. Chaos, but nice. 

I took the boys down to Sabden park last week. There is an insanely tall slide which terrifies all parents. There's always a nervous mum underneath waiting for their child to make it down safely and not topple over the side. Anyway, I had all 3 boys pretty close and being safe. I was watching Will, the adventurer, heading down towards the slide. I checked that the other 2 were safe but Rob needed moving. Turned to look how close Will had got to the slide, and he was walking UP the slide!!!! I flew accross the park to scoop him off, by which point he was not far off shoulder height already! 

Skip another month or two.

Halloween has been and gone, Jack had a ball, and my sister was over with her family. It was great and grizzly fun. We are in the thick of back to back winter bugs now, but so far, plodding on OK. We have moved the boys upstairs and brought William back down to de dummy him. I would've caved again if he hadn't been snotty. The colds have been 10 times easier with the other two since getting rid of the dummies. We have preserved, and hopefully we can make it work. He seemed more upset about not being upstairs than not having his dummy. On night 2, James was out at a rehearsal and Jack was staying at my mums, thankfully. The boys were in the thick of another horrible cough, so I had William down here not settling well, and Sam upstairs who kept waking himself up with the cough. I was up and down the stairs like a yoyo for a couple of hours trying to settle them both. 

My head spin seems to have settled down a bit. I have started my new job and hope to do a couple more session before Christmas. The bad news is still bad, and won't get better as it's a terminal diagnosis. It's a constant worry and sadness, but I have had time to process it a bit now, so making plans and just seeing how things go from day to day. 

Aside from that, my brain is still on constant spin, but that's life. Our treadmill is on top speed now and it's fast paced and non stop, but my goodness it's full of laughter. The boys are all such jolly little things, and so affectionate. 

Our routine is solid and works really well, but going to work is genuinely a rest. As soon as all 4 have been deposited at their nurseries, we both breathe a sigh of relief, then jump in our vans to squeeze as much time in at work as we possibly can, before the hamster wheel starts again at pickup time. It's a whirl of food, laundry, high chairs out, high chairs cleaned and put away, cleaning up under their highchairs, cleaning up the rest of the food splattered kitchen, breaking up squabbles, cuddling the one who got hit, telling off the one that did the hitting, as another starts on the cat. Getting them changed, getting them changed again, changing nappies, prepping the next meal, more laundry, getting ready to go out, getting them back in, shoes off, coats off, snacks out. And so it continues. Relentless is hardly the word. It's a good job we are both pretty energetic people, or we would be on the floor. Also not a good idea because I get jumped on from all angles. 

Discipline challenges.

Disciplining is a real challenge. We have a naughty "step". This worked well with Jack, and Rob gets it, but we have a few stumbling blocks. Firstly, as an example, if Sam pushes Will, Sam is taken to the step and told not to push and sit there. Rob then points in his face saying "nooooooooooo".  William by this point has decided he will push Rob. At the same time as all this, the one who has been pushed is usually crying, so I'm trying to comfort him, while trying to be quick enough to discipline the naughty one. It's a bit bonkers, and I usually miss the naughty one leaving the step because I'm distracted with the crying or next lot of pushing, so I often haven't reinforced the message. It was so much easier when there was just the 1 to teach.

Jack is starting to get excited about father Christmas. Last year he was still quite confused about it, but this year is going to be so much fun with him, and he will have great fun with the boys too. It's going to be utter chaos, bit chaos is my life now. I have to say that I don't notice it so much any more, but I do when someone comes over or I'm on the phone and we can't talk. It's nuts!

A quick update on Jack. He had a spat of tantrums when he started at his new nursery. He seemed to kick off with me all the time, but not so much with James, and never with anyone else. I am pretty patient when it comes to meltdowns and tantrums, because there is usually a good reason for it. I just seem to be the target. He even lashed out at me a few times. I really felt for him, because the boys get all the focus. If Jack is playing with them, we say "Jack, be more gentle, don't push, don't lie on him, you're going to hurt him", and when he can't be arsed with them and wants to be alone, they clamber on him and we say "Jack, don't push him off, don't kick him off". It just seems to be constantly at Jack. We do of course move the boys away and distract them, but they want to play with their big brother. Jack has the option of another room or upstairs, but he probably wonders why he is the one that has to go away. Poor lad. When we praise, we praise him big, but for a 3 yr old, he has a lot to deal with. Anyway, he seems to have turned a corner again and we have our little boy back. He is helping with everything, very few meltdowns and tantrums, and as a result, treats. He has been a joy again. 

Frequent sayings I never thought I would say:

Don't wipe that on his head

There's food on the ceiling, again!

There's a turd in the bath!!!!!

Why is your toast stuck to your forehead?

Don't stand on his head!!! 

Quick head count. 1, 2, 3........... 4, phew!